Becoming a real estate agent requires special skills. Are you a talented liar? Can you point to the storage? Can you open the door and then lock it after 15-20 minutes?
Congratulations, you got the job! The only downside is that many people now see you as a mercenary soldier of the landowning class, happy to fleece decent people for half their monthly salary for some tiny hole buried in mold. Even though real estate agents have a reputation for lacking compassion, you may not care.
Video from VICE
To find out whether every real estate professional is the sociopath the public thinks they are, I tested some of them using the Voigt-Kampff test from Philip K. Dick’s book. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? and the classic film it inspired –Blade Runnerobviously.
In the book and film, the test helps LAPD’s Blade Runners determine whether someone is a “replicant” (a bioengineered humanoid lacking the ability to empathize) who must be “retired” (killed) at any cost.
In the context of this article, this helped me determine whether these three real estate agents are sociopaths.
LYDIA, 27 years old
VICE: You’re in the desert. You look down and see a turtle crawling towards you. You bend down and turn the turtle onto its back. He lies there, waving his paws, and cannot get over without your help. But you’re not helping. Why?
Lydia: Oh my god. I guess the big question is why did I turn it over in the first place? But why should I leave it? Maybe he’s really hurt and I want to put him out of his misery? But I can’t bring myself to kill him.
So you just leave it there to slowly bake?
Yeah.
Fine. Describe in one word only the good things that come to mind about your mother.
Caring. Beautiful. Kind. Fun. Um, nice. Yes, I love her.
You are on a crowded street and hear a baby crying loudly behind you. You ignore the sound and continue walking. Why?
Isn’t it my problem? You constantly hear babies crying.
Okay, let’s be more direct. You’re holding a newborn baby in your arms and he won’t stop crying. After several hours of calming down, he is still screaming. What are you doing?
Ugh. I’ll probably call my mom.
Your mom doesn’t answer the phone.
Um, I guess I’ll go for a walk?
It’s pouring rain and hurricane winds outside.
[Laughs] Oh god, I think I’ll just have to leave him in the crib and put on headphones. Either way, it really is, isn’t it? Crying therapy.
I think it’s called the “scream method.” Last question. You watch a man drown in a lake. There is no one around and you can save them, but you choose not to. Why?
[Laughs] What a terrible question. Jesus. I don’t know. The only thing I can think about is someone who did something terrible to me or someone who just did something really terrible in general.
GEORGE, 34
VICE: A butterfly lands on your hand, its wings delicate and colorful. You are slowly crushing it. How do you feel?
George: My first thought is how it will physically feel, and for some reason I think it’s crunchy. But emotionally… I don’t know, is it bad? Killing a butterfly is worse than swatting a fly.
You come home to find your pet dog wagging its tail excitedly. You kneel down, look him in the eyes, and then slap him. Why did you do this?
[Laughs] Sorry, I don’t know why I find this so funny. Why did I slap him? Um, did he do something bad? But I don’t think I could actually slap a dog.
You see a homeless person asking for food. You have a full lunch in your bag, but you walk past them. How do you justify such a decision?
I can actually see myself doing this and guess what? In fact, I don’t know how I would justify it, or even if I would. Honestly, I think I’ll just walk past them, noticing that I have a sandwich or something in my bag, and just keep walking.
You’re watching a movie where the villain succeeds and the hero dies. You find yourself rooting for the villain. Why?
I’m watching Soprano?
A real villain, not an anti-hero.
I mean, some villains are better to watch than heroes. little thing [Javier] Bardem in No country for old people– he’s a fucking psycho and looks like a real villain, but he’s more convincing than the other characters.
You are standing in front of a painting that everyone around you admires. You hate it, but you say you love it. Why are you lying?
The path of least resistance.
Fair. Last question: You’re at a party and everyone around you is laughing at a cruel joke about someone who isn’t there. You laugh together. How does this make you feel?
Probably bad. I’m trying to imagine it. I guess it depends on whether I know the person. Like, if they were friends, I would feel worse than if it was a person I’ve never met.
LIAM, 31
VICE: A wasp landed on your hand. Do you spank it, squash it, or just let it do its thing?
Liam: I would throw it away.
Someone gives you a calfskin wallet for your birthday along with a photo of the calf it’s made from. How do you react?
Calfskin? Yes, I would be happy with this, depending on the brand and size. Yes, I would be happy about that. I would say thank you, that’s for sure.
You see a wounded man lying on the street, and everyone around him ignores him. What are you doing?
Are you trying to help him?
Have you witnessed someone feeding a stray cat poisoned food?
Oh god, I don’t really like cats. No, I would obviously say this is wrong, you probably shouldn’t feed this cat poisoned food.
A colleague asks you to lie for him. How will you respond?
It depends on whether it is a personal or work-related matter and who it is. But yeah, I’d probably lie for them.
Fine. You’re in a restaurant and the waiter brings you the wrong dish, but he looks really stressed. Are you complaining?
Hm. Probably not, no. I probably would have taken it. “Thank you very much, sir. Yes, it was great.”
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